When I sit down and stop moving, I realize that the world is continuing on without me. There is no moment when the world rests. Constantly turning, constantly changing, constantly moving…the world continues. Why do we sleep? Personally, I believe I am wasting the skills, talents, and blessings God has bestowed upon me. Each night I drift away into a new world, a world created in my own mind, based on the daily encounters and knowledge I soak in each day–sometimes without even knowing it.
In my dreams my deepest desires are sometimes revealed… sometimes my dreams allow me to admit things to myself that I am afraid to see in real life… sometimes the dreams are pure ridiculousness… but sometimes the dreams are so real, so vivid that I do not want to wake up.
The other night, I had a very intense dream. One that still haunts me as I prepare to lay down each evening. In the dream, I was in bed and I was awoken by a noise. Turning to my side table I tried to turn on the light, but nothing happened. I rolled over to the other table to reach the other light, again the light did not work. I checked the foot of my bed for my tri-colored protector and he was fast asleep–I had nothing to fear. Yet, in a moment, someone grabbed my shoulder. I could not see a face but the voice was of a young man. I no longer recall what happened exactly but he told me “you’re dying, just give in.“ For some reason, I believed it. I honestly thought that I was dying. I thought of who would find me–I live alone. It would probably be a few days before anyone noticed I was missing. Certainly by Sunday at least a few people would reach out…right? I took a deep breath and allowed my body to relax… I gave into “death.” I immediately felt the young man lift my body from my bed–or maybe I was floating–and I started slowly falling through various scenes of the world. From a black, starry sky to an autumn leafed forest and then I was above a snow-covered field as small, white flecks fell gently to the ground. 
As quickly as it started, I felt the young man grab my shoulder again and pull me to the ground. We were standing in front of an old, dilapidated train… kinda like the ones they have at zoos for families with smaller children. “This is going to hurt, but I’ll see you on the other side. Just relax and it’ll be over soon,” he told me as he guided me toward the train. I stepped onto the train and felt the old wood creak beneath my weight. The front seat was open, so I sat down… filled with anticipation. I’d seen movies about people who die and then journey to the afterlife (hopefully, heaven) by escalator, train, or some other cliché transportation means. I took a deep breath and reminiscent of a roller-coaster ride, the train slowly lurched forward. An older woman was seated next to me, she tried talking to me–I think. The train started moving faster and faster until I could see that we were headed over the rails. The train did not slow down. Dark.
Sirens whirled, lights flashed but all I felt was a rush of darkness. Expecting to wake up in a hospital room, I was surprised when the darkness cleared and the train was coming to a stop in front of an old saloon-styled building. The young man was present and I could suddenly see his face! At first he looked like Leonardo DiCaprio’s twin brother, but as I approached closer I could tell he was not. He held out his hand– “Told you I’d be waiting.”
I woke up with a start and quickly looked around my room expecting something or someone to be there… only Toby. I laid my head back down and was instantly back in the same place I had just left. The saloon turned out to be a bar. The mysterious man sat me down at a long table and introduced me to the others present–all presumably dead. I wanted to know how each person had passed, I wanted to know why I was there, what happened to me? Who were all these people? Is it possible that Heaven is a huge hang-out? I do not recall anyone else being at the bar aside from those at my table. The other passengers of the train seemed to get off and meet long-lost someones who were expecting them, also. So who is this young man? Why is he leading me to my final rest? How did I even die? Maybe my years of hypochondria finally caught up to me!
Then, I woke up.
